So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The beer is more important than you right now.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
