i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
