I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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