Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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