I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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