I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
