I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
