I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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