i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
