I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
