every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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