I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
