apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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