I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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