Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Every concussion has its silver lining
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
