the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
