about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
