sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
