And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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