I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
