like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
