my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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