Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
