I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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