new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
