This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
