Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
