You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
pray to the hookup gods
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
