Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
