i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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