so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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