There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
