i already hear my dad disowning me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
