I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I want to fling myself into the sun
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
