just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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