That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
