Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
