is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
