I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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