There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
