the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
