I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
