That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
