so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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