he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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