Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
