just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
