Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She told me I should be a condom model.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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