Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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