can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
